Heavy Lifting (A Very Funny Blog)

I plan on not renewing my gym membership when my current term expires.  I’m a unit price shopper.  So, just like I buy gallons of milk even though I live alone because it’s less per ounce, I paid up for 3 years of gym membership because it was less per month.  Now that I have resistance bands, adjustable free weights and my “street turned stationary” bike in front of my television I think i’m poised to be gym free.

I’m going to miss having a network of showers at my disposal.  I’ll just have to keep a safe distance on those scorching hot days that I’m not able to get back home for another shower.   A recent workout in Encino, CA reminded me that I’ll miss the people in the gym the most.  I was in a plank, and not ironically, when I overheard this:

OLDER GUY:  Who’s that strong fella?!

YOUNGER GUY: You must be looking at yourself in the mirror.

Okay, so far so pleasant….

YOUNGER GUY: Strength is in the mind and that makes you way stronger than me.

OLDER GUY:  Well, my mind was strengthened when I became a lawyer

YOUNGER GUY: (playfully)  Your’e a lawyer?  Then I take it all back.

OLDER GUY:  Yeah, I shape arguments to get a desired effect.

YOUNGER GUY: You mean you manipulate the truth.

OLDER GUY:  There is no right or wrong.  It’s all subjective.

YOUNGER GUY:  That’s not what we teach the children in my school.

OLDER GUY: It’s not what’s right it’s what you can prove and how you persuade.

YOUNGER GUY:  Well, deep inside, we all know right from wrong…

That was a pretty deep convo to have in between lat pull down sets.  I dedicated the last minute of my plank to the kids, btw.  The gym giveth but the gym taketh away as well. As I was dressing in the locker room I heard this:

GUY1: Hey man,  You’re here on the weekend. I don’t normally come on the weekend

GUY2: Yeah,  I had to get my car fixed nearby so I figured I would stop by and workout.

GUY1:  Cool,  I don’t normally come on the weekends but I didn’t drink last night.

GUY2: Cool

GUY1: Yeah I don’t normally come on the weekends but I came today.

I had to fight the urge to bang my head against my locker door. Thankfully guy 2 walked away and I was feverishly packing up when I heard guy 1 approach another guy.

GUY1:  Hey man, How goes it?  I don’t normally workout on the weekend….

I think I know why Guy 1 didn’t go out the night before, no friends.  Eesh!  When my gym membership expires, I’ll have to inspire and annoy myself.

This isn’t my 1st gym inspired blog.  Check out these gems

I Tan Corrected (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

Jane, Stop This Crazy Thing

You’re a Real Hot Mess…Won’t You Back That Thing Up

I Can Hear Sweat Trickling Down Your Cheek (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

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