A few nights ago, while driving down Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, I saw two cops, pulled over, and questioning Jesus. I assume it wasn’t THE Jesus but then again you never know. Hollywood is littered with look-a-likes who, for a nominal fee, will take a picture with you. Don’t think Disneyland with Mickey Mouse welcoming you to the happiest place on earth. No, think a drunk guy in a dirty Shrek costume who smells like an actual ogre and has a yet to be named condition that causes him to spit loogies every 3 and a half minutes. None of these photo-op guys are sanctioned by any official body and they probably wear the costumes to dodge their arrest warrants.
I gather the guy currently portraying Jesus was on his way home from a day of intense character work, tired from all the healing. A method actor no doubt. Maybe he was displaying public drunkenness, or he Jaywalked. I’m thinking he stole a Gatorade from a convenience store. Jesus walks…in and steals. If Hollywood Jesus had any miracles in him the time had come to use them. Cops don’t drive the squad car up on the side walk to have nice chats. Still in the back of the cops’ mind it’s got to be tougher to be a hard ass while looking at Jesus.
COP1: Let me see some ID?
HOLLYWOOD JESUS:My Son, my ID comes from above.
COP2: ID now?! Or we redo the Passion Of Christ. Right here.
COP1: Why is he bleeding from his hands?!
COP2: Okay Jesus…you’re free to go and…can you put your finger in this water for me.
Maybe the cops needed some salvation albeit from an actor playing Jesus. I think Hollywood Jesus should rent himself out to people trying to make a point. After he cleans himself up of course. How cool would it be if you got Jesus to appear at just the right moment. Dude, just lend me the money. I’m good for it…what would Jesus do?…Lookie here..why don’t we just ask him…