Sonic Whisper (Funny Blog from Comedy Central’s Dwayne Perkins)

I am not a fan of whispering.  In most cases talking regular in a low volume will accomplish the same thing as a breathy whisper.  Whispering, at least the way most people do it, is unnecessary and in most cases insincere.  It’s a person’s way of letting you know they are being quite instead of them just being quiet.

The whisper technique you hear most people employ seems to be borrowed from the stage whisper where the actors needed to let the audience hear them but at the same time convey to the audience that although the audience could hear them somehow the actor 3 feet away from them couldn’t hear them.  To accomplish this, actors had to speak breathy but loudly.  So you see using this style of whisper is counter to being quiet.  It’s actually much louder.  It was designed to be louder.  I think deep down people go with the breathy loud whisper to feel special about having a secret or to be absolved from talking in a situation where talking is frowned upon… It’s okay that I talk during this moment of silence because I’m using my husky whisper voice…

On top of it all whispering is ineffective and hard to understand.  Back in my novice days of engaging in coitus, I used to employ the whisper technique.  In your mind it makes everything special and heated but in reality it makes everything awkward.  Being asked, “Can you repeat that?” over and over is frustrating in any situation. But hearing it during intimacy can be demoralizing.  I finally dropped the whispering business when one young lady kept doing the exact opposite of everything I said.  It finally hit me that she didn’t hear anything I said.  She basically felt hot air against her ear and adlibbed the rest.*

Let’s leave whispering to the Ghosts.

*This really did happen a very long time ago in a galaxy far far away

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