I’ve Gone Hollywood

So I’m sure by now many of my faithful blog readers know I drive a Saturn. You may also know that my car is like a sub base model. It’s like they took a base model as said “It’s just not base enough…base, how low can we go?” How low? The windows are rotator cuff exercisers, the doors locks are manual and don’t speak to each other and my radio is just that a radio. No CD, no tape deck, no mp3 input, just 6 preset station options to go crazy with ( when you think party you have to think of P. Diddy, Dennis Rodman and me…not necessarily in that order) Oh yeah, and it’s a stick shift.

So up until now I’ve always plugged my mp3 player into a small portable radio transmitter that will play in your car on an empty radio station. That worked out as well Terrell Owens did in Philly.

JEOPARDY CONTESTANT: What is “not at all”?
ALEX TREBEK: Correct. We would have also accepted: “horribly” and “Nigga please”

I’m on my fifth one and they all suck, even the digital ones. Especially the digital ones! Because digital is supposed to be code for “doesn’t suck”.

SHOPPER: I don’t think I want a punch in the face
SALESMAN: You sure?,it’s digital?
SHOPPER: Great, I’ll take it!…Is my chin out far enough?
SALESMAN: Perfect. You’re going to be glad you went with the High Def chin check.
The transmitters always play with a little static you have to will yourself to ignore. Or, they relinquish station control as the empty station somehow becomes full and never to anything you want to hear. You’re driving enjoying Lily Allen’s “Smile” and suddenly you’re listening to a report on the South African Meerkat. Basically, I haven’t had 30 minutes of continuous problem free Lily Allen listening without gadget fidgeting.

Anyhoo, I broke down and got an aftermarket radio installed in my car today. Et Tu Dwayne? It has an mp3 plug in slot, plays mp3/CD discs and can even take in a USB flash drive. I’m cooking with gas now. I feel like a sell out because the ‘04’ and I were to suppose to go all the way without any upgrades. Are my roughing it days are over? I did the math and all those crappy mp3 transmitters probably cost over 3/4 what my radio cost. Plus, I need to listen to my comedy when I drive. Vanity knows no bounds J

I hope you don’t think less of me. Hey, at least I still get a shoulder workout at every toll booth and parking attendant booth.

I come to bury my stock radio, not praise it…

QSN: Please send questions for my video blog. Got questions? I got fake answers!

QSN = Quick Side Note

4 thoughts on “I’ve Gone Hollywood

  1. Renee

    congrats on the new radio. 30 minute of non-static-y uninterrupted lily allen, can go a long way to calm the nerves.

  2. jhiro

    I had one of those FM transmitters too and was annoyed by the same problems. Then I came across the FM modulator, hooked it up myself, and it works great! Okay so I know this suggestion’s coming too late, but you can recommend it to others in staticky circumstances. Or if you decide to go with another base base model car…

  3. me!

    Re: Your QSN.

    Here’s a question for the video blog.

    Tell us your best “hell gig” story.

  4. Spiritual Ninja

    Hey Dwayne, saw ur mention on rolling stone. Nice one. i bought your Comedy central presents bit form Amazon.com yesterday. I got one of those aftermarket CD players with USB slot as well. I use the USB most of the time. Y burn a CD when I can throw 50-250 songs on a drive easily.

    I wish you all the best and I look forward to another CD or whatever you do that I can get money directly to u/

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